THE STRUGGLE

My eyes light up when that song plays because I know it’s you.
When I hear your text notification my soul smiles
But in those instances where your voice is absent and you sink into keyboard silence, I wonder if I am the reason.
I’m confident in my ability to love you but at these times I question your want to be loved by me.
I’ve done it again…counted my chickens, painted a picture, written a story and finished the Epilogue before the Prologue even takes shape.
I have placed hopes on the possibilities and that has caused pain in my reality.
I hand the raines to God at this point because I’m not equipped to referee the fight between my heart and my mind.
I can’t mediate your role in my life… friend, lover, associate, aloof spectator, or frequent passerby.
Regardless of your true position my id and my ego stand on opposite sides of the discussion
Reaking havoc on my ability to function
The dosage of reality needed is unclear
Will it take you saying, “I only see you as a friend”, or something harsher like “sorry I don’t want you”.
Whatever the prescription please administer it in one dose because my heart can only take one strike.
Be it reality or fiction my heart and mind agree on one thing, you mean something to me.
Now they just need to know what I mean to you.

(c) 2017 All Rights Reserved

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