Today I re-read my previous blog on blogger and this time two years ago I was just opening the door to what I thought was God answering my prayers. I thought that I was finally in a situation where everything was falling into place and happiness couldn’t be too far behind. Well the one truism in life is that God has a wicked sense of humor and a serious jones for putting us in our place. And I probably should stop speaking generally and say that He has a way of doing that in MY life because maybe I am the only one he is laughing at.
There is something to be said about being alone and in the same instance there is something mind numbing about the feeling of loneliness. And yes there is a difference. For instance I like being alone but I detest being lonely. They put me in two different head spaces. Let’s ask Webster.
adjective & adverb
1.having no one else present; on one’s own.
1.sad because one has no friends or company
So when people say things like, “people like being alone” I can completely understand that statement. I like being by myself sometimes. I enjoy watching movies alone. I enjoy eating alone. I enjoy working out alone. SOMETIMES!! But human beings require some form of interaction, some form of touch. It’s mandatory!
We have all taken the online test to see if we are an introvert, extrovert, and ambivert. Yes there is a third category because everything and everyone do not fit into a nice package. I would consider myself an ambivert. There are times that I love people and there are times that I crave being by myself. I have the traits of both an introvert and an extrovert but I thrive somewhere in the middle.
But back to the comedian we call God. While re-reading the blog I found myself asking, “So what happened for ‘this’ not to be true anymore”. This would be referring to a relationship that I believed was God’s answer to my lifelong prayer….. the one where I ask for the man He has created just for me. Well I believed He had sent him but turned out that he was one of those seasonal lessons that God sends to show you how empty a pretty package can be. So do not get stuck on the packaging you have to focus on the what’s on the inside. And sometimes even that can be deceiving. So after a lot of praying for discernment it all became clear.
Clearly I was supposed to be alone and working on myself because I was not a priority in his life and “Quality TIme” is my love language. And I speak it fluently. So when I am low wo-man on the totem pole that is my cue to exit stage left. And when he didn’t have a problem with my exit that was my cue that God wanted me to be alone at that point in time.
I have used the word “alone” a lot but you did not see the word “lonely” because they are not the same thing. I can be alone and listen to “Moody’s Mood for Love” and love every minute of it. But I can also share a dance with that special man in life to the same jazz great. I can cook dinner for one just as easily as I can cook a meal for two. But the feeling of loneliness does not engulf me to the point of paralysis.
Everyone gets lonely. We crave human touch. I am no different. I ache for a man’s touch. I yearn for a soul connection with that man created for me. I look forward to the day someone calls me wife. And above all else I pray for the day that God answers my prayer. But nowhere in this process do I allow loneliness to consume me because as funny as God can be sometimes He never wants to see his children hurt. So I hold on to the belief in God’s promise that “man was not meant to live alone” and His creation of woman means that I am meant to be someone’s help mate, partner, soul mate, and above all else, someone’s blessing.
So loneliness never wins and I will be alone until God finishes with him.
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