Recently one of my Squadistas (you will find out what that is about it you keep coming back to read the blog, but I digress) blogged “Lovin the Skin I’m In” and it made me think.
In this day and age the outside of a person is so much more coveted than the insides of that person. Yes we are all visual creatures but who someone is should at some point outweigh how that person looks. But I think that is wishful thinking for the most part. But in this, the 40th year and around’bout the 14,600 day of my existence on this beloved planet I have come to realize that it is not and cannot be about how others see you… Because your view of you shapes everything that happens in your life. From day to day, how you see the world and your place in it effects every step, every interaction, and every decision you make. So how you see you is so very important.
So after being inspired by THE Ambassador (check out her blog at the above link) I will delve into how I see myself and what I have learned about me in these first days of my forties….
- I frequently feel out of place but I relish the feeling because it motivates me.
- I get tired of the sound of my own voice.
- I have no want to be the center of attention and relish the sidelines.
- I love being Black/African American/Negro (whatever they are calling us these days).
- I love my crooked smile. It gives me character. Took me some time to get here, but hey it’s all a process right?
- The fact that I love hard is not a bad thing.
- Celibacy can be done! (Man I can tell you some stories…maybe in another blog)
- Not being a birth mother does not mean I do not know anything about raising children and does not make me any less of a woman.
- Being creative has it downfalls. Your mind is always working and that is not always a good thing.
- I am so proud of my decision to go natural. It was a hard decision to make because my hair is so very thick. And truth be told, I didn’t think I could do it. But now a year into this journey, I am loving it. And am proud of myself for embracing it.
- I love that at my age I can still say without hesitation that I am still learning.
I enjoy the power and magic that comes with being a woman.
- Crying is a necessary “evil”. Everyone believes that crying is a bad thing. But for me it is necessary for me to move forward.
- I can do anything I set my mind to consistently. The key word is consistently. I have a tendency to start things and not finish them and I struggle with that.
- My strength lies in the want to not let the Lord, my parents (birth and grand) and my sister, down. Because of that I know that I cannot let myself down.
- No one can tell me that God does not exist. He is the only reason I am still present on this earth. I do not mean that figuratively, I mean that literally.
- My mirror tells me that I am a God created, God fortified, God covered woman. Because of that I should not worry about what the world throws at me. Because I am His child, I can handle it all. However because I am human, I struggle with this but not as much as I used to. I have come a long way.
- Happiness is not dependent on someone else. Happiness is an emotion that is contained within and has to be controlled from within.
- I have a tendency to give to people who are not capable of receiving and because of this I end up empty. Hey you have to recognize what you are doing wrong to correct it. Right?
- I have learned that people do not deserve third chances. Second chances are all you get.
- Silence sometimes is the correct response.
- No matter how nice you are, caring you are, sweet you are, helpful you are…someone is going to HATE you. And there is nothing you can do about it.
- Dying lonely is my biggest fear. Praying on this one!
- There is not a spectrum of friendship. PERIOD!
- I AM ENOUGH!
And I would love to say I have learned these lessons, taken them and moved forward but I cannot. I am still an active work in progress. So I will mess up. I will give too much of myself. I will call someone a friend who calls me a bitch when I am not present. I will cry from sheer loneliness. I will get in my feelings when someone asks me why I do not have children and what am I waiting on. Because despite all the lessons and all of my growth I am still human. But the one thing I will never do is doubt my God. I have seen His grace and His mercy…. it is manifested in my continued presence on this earth.
So I exit stage left with this until next time world…. Take the lessons of life and create the best you that you can create. Because nothing happens without a reason and that reason is to build you into the best version of you possible.
Be eazy, be blessed, be happy, be you!
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